(mom)Life

Things You’ll Never Hear Me Say or Wear – Part I

In an attempt to tell you more about me, the mom of the Three Silly Sisters, here are some things you’ll never hear me say:

Throw that Scholastic Book Order in the recycling bin. We have too many books.

Too many books? There’s no such thing! I’m a former 3rd grade teacher and recovering Scholastic addict. I have a closet upstairs full of books that I haven’t touched in years but Lord help the person who tries to get rid of them. I trip over the books in our house on a daily basis but I still get giddy over the thought of buying more. Ask any teacher and they’ll tell you books are just as valuable as my husband’s Bourbon collection…except 4 members of our family like my collection and only 1 likes his. Whiskey/Bourbon/Scotch is the worst. I’ll take a watermelon Jolly Rancher laced Zima over an Old Fashioned any day of the week. I’m currently in a book rut so if you’ve got a good one, let me know!

It’s too early to go to bed. Let’s stay up until at least 10:00.

I don’t remember exactly when it happened, but at some point my bedtime started to be “as early as possible”. I have zero shame in crawling into bed at 8:30. I might not fall asleep until 9:30/10:00 but my butt is cozy and well on the way to dreamland soon after the girls are in bed and the house is in order. Lucas and I joke that on most Friday nights we are ready to get in bed at 8:30. And I’m totally ok with that. Because you know what’s worse than Bourbon? Parenting at 6:30 am after staying up until 12:30. Kids are ruthless and will wake up early on the mornings you need them to sleep late. Every.Single.Time. It’s like they can smell your tiredness which sets an internal alarm clock that goes off before sunrise. AND they’ll request a full English breakfast that’ll have you whispering, “Why do they hate me so much?” into your 2nd cup of coffee.

No, thanks. No queso this time.

I will never turn down queso. Ever. I’ll pick the restaurant we go to based on the queso and sometimes only order that. I’m that girl who brings some sort of cheese dip to every party I go to. It’s my thing. I once had a friend drink it from a bowl at my Bachelorette Party. I was so proud and mystified at the same time. We’re kindred cheese filled spirits. I’m working on a recipe for King Ranch chicken with a twist – let’s just say it involves melted Velveeta and Ro-tel. Speak of spicy things…

The Dixie Chicks should just move to Europe.

I’m from Texas and I LOVE them. One of the first concerts I attended in College Station was Dixie Chicks/Kenny Chesney/Tim McGraw. That was 1998 and they were so good back then. I saw them in concert last summer and they are more amazing than they’ve ever been. All of their songs make me want to sing out loud and move to the country. They are talented, opinionated, and fabulous and I’m hoping they’ll tour again soon. But next time I’ll buy reserved seats instead of lawn because an oversold lawn at Cynthia Woods is like going to the Houston Zoo on a Saturday in October…too many people, not enough bathrooms!

Let’s watch Caillou.

You will NEVER hear me utter those words. I can not stand that kid. How did a bald, whiny, Canadian four year old get his own TV show? And he’s got quite the following! I don’t get it. Why would you volunteer to watch something that makes your ears bleed? I had my car washed last August and it was playing in the waiting area. I opted to wait outside in the 110 degree heat when they told me the channel can’t be changed. #willsweatforsanity

PAC1

That’s ok, I don’t want to hold your baby.

GIVE ME YOUR BABY! I want to hold your baby! I’m really good with babies. Like, freakishly good. I guess having two difficult ones makes me kind of a professional at the infant stage. I love how they smell and squirm and look and breathe. I’m not a fan of how they cry but I’m pretty good at making them stop. A mom brought her 1 week old to gymnastics last week and it took everything in me not to ask to hold that sweet little lamb. I don’t know her, but I know people are kind of touchy when it comes to random people asking to hold their baby. Social norms ruin all my fun sometimes. There’s another mom who brings her 5 month old to MOPs sometimes and I have to sit on my hands to keep from walking across the room and taking him for a minute. Or an hour. The struggle is SO REAL! BUT, chances are if your baby is a blessed with rolls, I’ll probably skip the whole “Can I hold your baby?” part and just grab that little chunk from you. Don’t be scared. You’ll get that baby back when feeding or changing is necessary. But in the meantime, just smile, nod, and enjoy your moments of peace.

IMG_4309
Caroline was kind of a large baby. I think my obsession with baby rolls started with her.
Let me pull that tooth for you.

Oh heck no. At age 17, I was 99% sure I wanted to be a pediatric dentist until I was a camp counselor for 1st graders whose teeth were falling out like ice at Sonic at 2pm. There is no wound/vomiting/bodily function that makes my stomach churn quite like teeth do. I can’t look at loose teeth much less a giant hole in someone’s mouth without wanting to lose my lunch. Lucas is going to have to be the teeth puller in our house because that is one parenting duty I won’t be able to perform. Give me all the vomit and broken bones but please don’t show me pictures of a hole in your kid’s mouth.

 

Something you’ll never see me wear? These latest Nordstrom fails:

Have you ever woken up and not been able to decide between jeans or a skirt? Now you don’t have to! These $90 skeans are the answer to your indecisiveness. The jeans say casual Thursday but the black overlay tells everyone you’re up for anything, including impromptu ballet lessons on the soccer field during practice.

skirt jeans

Y’all. This Canadian tuxedo. The pants alone are $685! HOW?! Although these are Stella McCartney, I think that’s a little much for the love child of Z Cavaricci and Lee Jeans.

demin capris

These are my new personal favorite. Holy moly. They are $1,160! These fabulous denim panties (because that’s what they are) come from Levi’s. The same company who made pants for gold miners and cowboys. How times have changed! A friend of mine commented that these would be very simple to take a bathroom break in being that the zipper goes all the way around…but I can see someone losing a lady part in these. You know I’m right.

levis

Just in case you need shoes to go with those shorts, here’s a great $375 option. Yes, those are Crocs. With stones. Magical stones apparently. At almost $400, those shoes better give me a pedicure and foot rub each time I wear them. crocs

Coming up on the blog on Thursday – A weekend recap of a gorgeous wedding and my new favorite top from Jack & Monroe. Trust me, you’ll want this one! This is a picture of it taken by Ellie after I asked Caroline to, but she took 73 selfies instead. I’ve really got to get some better help around here!

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Here’s to annoying Canadians and Mexican cheese,

Katie

 

4 thoughts on “Things You’ll Never Hear Me Say or Wear – Part I”

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